Updated: Nov 16, 2020

Learning to forgive and love.

Lets talk about challenging people in our lives that we love but don’t like, how this can be a complicated and a painful truth to admit. This individual/s can often be a family member someone close to us that we can’t walk away from and who may emotionally physically and mentaly demand our life long attention and perhaps even care.

So how do we deal with this, especially if there is a pattern of emotional blackmail and passive aggressive communication that keeps you feeling powerless and under their hypnotic command?

First, a positive step is to acknowledge how you feel around this person, before and after you are in their company? How much does their influence linger and seep into your own life, observe if this is a positive influence in your life, are you able to take this experience each time and lift others up around you or do you need uplifting by others to come back to your own sense of equilibrium?

Secondly, ask yourself; if you are related or have a binding contract with this person, can you love them and not like them? This is a challenging yet a potentially liberating self-enquiry.

Third, are you willing to take back your power, to cut the invisible yet strong cords between you and them, can you empower yourself and take action toward releasing the draining effect this person/s have on you and so that you can refocus this leaking-energy toward better things and people in your life?

Here is a practice that is easy and quick to do, I have taken the Tibetan Buddhist Practice of Tolgen and shortened it for our purposes.

Try the following short meditation steps.

  1. Sitting somewhere quiet in meditation or not.

  2. Close your eyes

  3. Imagine the person/s in question (best to do 1 person at a time) sitting in front of you.

  4. Now start with an extended, deep inhalation into your own heart, imagine your breath is like a golden light.

  5. As you breathe out from your heart, imagine this golden breath is going into the persons heart sitting in front of you.

  6. As you breathe in, breathe in, from their heart back to your heart and create a circle of loving golden breath between you, breathing in love breathing out love.

  7. Do this for a few minutes and observe how you feel, where you feel it, allow the breath to heal into the pain and discomfort, allow emotion to rise and fall until the breath has dissolved hard blocking rigid feelings.

  8. Once you feel peaceful, you can stay here as long as you like or close off by taking a moment of gratitude for yourself and for this person in your life and the lessons you have learned from them.

  9. Open your eyes.

  10. You can think about & or write down what happened for you.

  11. Complete.

Tonglen གཏོང་ལེན་ is Tibetan for 'giving and taking' or sending and receiving, and a practice used in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition to reduce selfish attachentment, and expand compassion.

Emily Teaches her clients meditation online.

Summer community sessions are at The Garden Gate Margate.

We hope to open again June through to September/October 2020

Thursdays 2 - 3 PM

£4 donation all proceeds go to The Garden Gate Project

The Garden Gate Project Ltd is a community garden focused on the well-being and cohesion of our local community. Based in Margate, The Garden Gate enables people to improve their quality of life, social interaction, physical and mental health in a supportive community environment.


The Garden Gate

Northdown Park 

Northdown Park Road




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